Enticed but Not Encaptured, a False Start

I was watching Ben Lerner explain false starts and how he was able to write seamlessly, only to later on see how everything came together as if one narrative (this reminds me of The Fourth Meal.) He generally writes in opposition to fiction, yet not writing non fiction. To him, writing is a series of glitches turned into features, in which became a way for him to architecture his prose poetically.

Then I had the urge to change my phone sounds—that is the ring tone and text tone for when I received a call or text. Did I long to change it to avoid confusion with what seemed to be a whole world having the same tones? Or did I change it to stand out from the masses? Or did I change it because I no longer wanted the involuntary urge to reach for my phone at the sound of every chime? The phantom phone phenomenon… Is that the confusion I was thinking about? Either way I changed it, though it was not easy.

I scrolled through menu after menu looking, searching, and listening to the potential tones that sounded best. One reminded me of my ex, it was “Noir,” forever ruined. Another reminded me of the original Sims game, it was “Bloom,” which may entice me to play the game. Then there was “Harp,” which reminded me of easier days. Should I download a tone? Should I use Childish Gambino’s intro to “Worst Guys” like i did in high school? I ended up choosing sounds with names I did not bother to remember…

Maybe I should.

“Alert” for text tone, which sounds like Sims 3…

Fuck it.

Sonar for the ringtone (which has now been changed to “Signal”)

I stand on this cracked paved path, between oak, palm fronds, and squirrels. Stumped, just like the sad log that once was a stump, gentle rolled over to its side, as if in fetal position. Bugs buzzing around me, just as the thoughts do around my brain.

Was this all a false start?

What is a false start?

(False start ; /ˌfôls ˈstärt/ ; noun ; an unsuccessful attempt to begin something.)

(Ben Lerner claims that most of the books he has written are the result of starting some other project and not being able to finish it, one way or another. If he knows too much of what he wants to do in a piece of writing, then it will be a failure in an uninteresting way. Intentional manipulation, as opposed to accidental fabrication.)